Ok ok,

I hate my brain. I was trying to think of a way to replace it, but my brain outsmarted me. I realized, as is probably obvious to all of you, that my brain would never let me think of how to replace him. At least my brain wouldn’t, my brain is needy.

See, my brain controls what I dream about. Dreams are our escape from reality. The possibilities of our dreams are endless. There are absolutely no restrictions. At least thats what they say dreams are. Don’t ask me who “they” are. But i believe dreams are just pure sophistry. 125% unadulterated BS.

Last night, I had a dream. Not the kind that Martin Luther King or Bill Clinton would have had, but rather a vague unclear and enigmatic dream. I dreamt that i was in my living room watching tv, while a 200kg gorilla was sitting opposite me making lewd gestures at me. And as i have mentioned countless times, i believe the gorilla is gay.

I mean seriously, this is what my brain can come up with? I could think of 7 things right now that would be more impressive:

1. Finding The Tick’s costume in my cupboard.

2. Laughing at Darth Vader a minute before he put on his mask.

3. Eating a lot of hot dogs really fast.

4. Play with StikFas.

5. Getting beaten the crap out of by Samuel L Jackson;

6. While at the same time peeling a banana to find there is chocolate inside.

7. Going for a ride on BattleStar Galactica.

Those were great ideas. I should be a brain. Ok that’s it i’m going to bed.

Cheers.

ps: Food for thought.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

Technorati tags: Archtomato

Ok ok,

I was taking a bath this morning and i just realised that I’m getting down to that little sliver of soap in my shower again. I’m going to have to make a decision pretty soon.

Throw it out and replace it with a new soap or try to do that Vulcan mind-meld to the next bar. If you do that with every bar, how much free soap does that come out to be at the end of your life? Does it really add up?

Do you one day look around and discover you’re hundreds of bars ahead of everybody else? You’re throwing soap parties. Giving it away around the office and away to charity. Maybe you would be known as … the soap philanthropist.

Tomato : “Here, Tan. Happy Wednesday. Have a Soap.”

Friend 1 : “Gee, thanks man. Where do you get it all?”

Tomato : “I have my methods.” (In a cool manner)

Friend 1 : “Wow, that guy sure has a lot of soap.”

Friend 2 : “Yeah, he’s quite a guy.”

New Guy : “Who is that guy.”

Friend 1 : “That (pause for dramatic effect), is the soap philanthropist.”

Cheers.

ps: Shower Gel is getting expensive. Soap is so much cheaper.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, No Sniffing, No Wowing, No Comments

Ok ok,

I recently heard from a good friend the she is just out of a long term relationship and hence the articles on men and women seem to be popping up in my head quite easily.

There’s no easy way to break off any relationship. It’s like the mozzarella cheese on a good slice of pizza. No matter how far you pull the slice away from your mouth it just gets thinner and longer but never snaps. Of course you could always just eat your pizza with a knife and fork, but I think this is clearly what’s known as “pushing the cheese analogy.”

To me, the difference between being single and in a relationship is the form of government. When you’re single, you are the dictator of your own life. You have complete power. When I give the order to fall asleep on the sofa with the TV on in the middle of the day, no one can overrule me!

When you’re in a relationship, you are part of a vast decision making body. Before anything is accomplished, there’s got to be meetings, committees have to study the situation, go for a vote and then further re-analyze the situation. And this is if the relationship works. I think this is the reason why break-ups seem so painful.

You’ve been impeached and you weren’t even the President.

Cheers.

ps: You have just got to love Bill Clinton.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On