Ok ok,

I hate the selecting, the trying on, the conversing with the sales help. There’s another oxymoron, sales-help. You’re either helping me or selling me but they’re not the same thing.

I hate carrying shopping bags. I hate receipts. I hate tags, pins, labels, hangers, buttons, zippers, drawstrings, lapels. I hate bleach, color-safe bleach, detergents, liquids, powders, tablets, stain lifters, stain fighters, stain neutralizers, special crystals, active ingredients, enzymes, whiteners, brighteners.

I hate hot water, cold water, warm water. I hate getting $1 off. I hate getting 1/3 more FREE. I hate fabric softener and static cling, so I lose either way. I hate detergents that are good for the environment, bad for the environment, not even aware of the environment. I hate carrying laundry bags.

I hate dry cleaning plastic, people that work at dry cleaners, talking about my stains to the dry cleaner. I hate and refuse to read any poster or notice about anything on the wall of the dry cleaner. If it was posted “We reserve the right to steal your clothes,” I wouldn’t care. I’m not interested. Just take the clothes. Just let me get the hell out of here and back to the world as soon as possible.

Let’s get one thing straight about dry cleaning right now. It doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing as dry cleaning. There’s no way of cleaning with dry, washing with dry, or doing anything with dry. Dry itself is nothing. You can’t use it. You can’t do anything with it. It’s not there. Dry is nothing. Are you listening to me? And we walk into these places with the big signs out front, “Dry Cleaning,” and somehow never question how they were able to put this absurd concept over on us.

If I gave you a filthy shirt and said, “I want this immaculate. And no liquids!” what are you going to do? Shake it? Tap it? Blow on it? Give me a break. You almost can’t get something dirty with dry, let alone cleaning it.

Cheers.
ps: That is a lot of hate. True Story

1. Stress Relief Man says:

   November 2, 2011 at 6:09 am

   This is a wonderful write-up, thank you so substantially for sharing it. I am normally in search of new items to increase my viewpoint, this has crafted me look and feel at important things in a definitely diverse way! Many thanks.

Fact File
Archtomato

Archtomato . OxyMoron .
Laughing at Gilded Butterflies

Archtomato works in the IT security industry and has managed to convince his bosses for the past 10 years that his best work is yet to come.

Archtomato is a coffee nut, a photographer without focus, a traveler who can't read maps, a diver who floats all too easily and a champion of world peace.

He is an avid practitioner of the dark side of the force; admires Chuck Norris, Paris Hilton and collects vintage Batman comics. Just like the Horizon, Time Dilation, Flying pigs, Tax Reliefs and possibly, the "Opposition", he believes he is more of a concept than a corporeal being.

Archtomato believes that the true nature of man is decided in the battle between the conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious and that the evil of man's subconscious is often too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle.

He now lives in a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, smelly beavers, zits, herpes, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, conscription, yellow bananas, stupid people, nightmares, dog whisperers,Gamma Ray Bursts, Nuke Baddies and sings badly but regularly in the bathroom.


 Tomatoes were sacrificed in the making of this website, contents and for the continual existence of its owner.

 Rss 2.0  |  Atom  |  Main

Still going strong in an inane work full of Ozone Depletion, Data Breaches, Chuck Norris, Tough Cookies, Mangy Dogs, Zits, Scurvy, Ninjas, Racism, Pollution, Herpes, Festivus , Broccoli, Mimes, Ghost Whisperer, Smelly Beavers, Petya, Donald Trump, Adolescence, Gravity, Pin Worms, Maths, Black Holes, Jedis, Cuban Cigars, Quick Sand, Methamphetamie, Ransomware and Nuke Baddies. Archtomato.com® reserves the full rights to all materials found on this domain. All works are commisioned and owned by Archtomato.com®, unless explicitly stated and are protected by international copyright laws. Archtomato.com® shall not be held liable should these materials be distributed without the explicit written permission of Archtomato.com®. Not Suitable for Dummies, Feminists, Animal Rights Activists, Scientologists and Dead People. Powered by 125% Freshly Locally Squeezed Tomato Juice.

Archtomato.com © 2005-2019. All Rights Reserved.