Writing Skills 
Visualised by archtomato On Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 19:57 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

CNH

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
The story of the Bill 
Visualised by archtomato On Tuesday, February 17, 2009 at 0:17 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,

The story of the bill. It just doesn’t make sense.

Went out to dinner the other night, and the bill came at the end of the meal as it always does. I am not one for the bill at the end of the meal system. Because money’s a very different thing before and after you eat. Before you eat, money has very little value.

When you’re hungry, you sit down in a restaurant, you’re like captain Jean-Luc Picard; you’re like the ruler of an empire like Darth Plagueis. You don’t care about cost. You want maximum food in minimum time. “More drinks, appetizers, quickly, quickly. Fried things in the shape of a stick or a ball. Pina Coladas and Satays. It will be the greatest meal of our lives. Monkey Brain in boiling Chicken Soup? Bring it on.”

Then, after the meal, once you’re full, you can’t remember ever being hungry ever in your life. You see people walking in the restaurant, you can’t believe it. “Why are these people coming in here now? I’m so full. How could they eat?” You’ve got the pants undone, napkins destroyed, cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes. You never want to see food again as long as you live. That’s when the bill comes. The damn bill.

This is why people are always mystified by the bill. “What is this? How could this be?” They start passing it around the table. “Does this look right to you? We’re not hungry now, why are we buying all this food? Did we really eat all this? I thought I just had a glass of water.”

Sometimes you go to a nice restaurant; they put the bill in the little book. What is this, the story of the bill? “Once upon a time somebody ordered a salad.” There’s a little gold tassel hanging down. Am I graduating from the restaurant? Does the little book make me more smarter? Should I put this on my facebook pics or hang it at my cubicle?

The story of the bill. It just doesn’t make sense.

Cheers.
ps: I hate paying, so i usually leave for the toilet break during bill time.

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Murder at Valentines St 
Visualised by archtomato On Saturday, February 14, 2009 at 0:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

They Thought They Could Not Kill Him;
They Were Wrong.

Cupid is Dead this year

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Apologies for the Frivolity 
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, February 9, 2009 at 0:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,

Fear of success is one of the new fears I’ve heard about lately. And I think it’s definitely a sign that we’re running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.

Are we going to need Alcoholics Anonymous type meetings for these people? They get up to the microphone and go, “Hi, my name is Bill and I can’t stand the thought of having a 52inch LCD TV and a cream colored Mercedes Benz.”

According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the coffin than leading the prayer ceremony.

The thing I don’t understand about the suicide person is the people who try to commit suicide, for some reason they don’t die, and that’s it. They stop trying. Why don’t they just keep trying? What’s changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact, it’s worse, because now they’ve found out here’s one more thing you stink at. And that’s why these people don’t succeed at life to begin with. They give up too easy.

I say, pills don’t work? Try a rope. No rope? Try the Mrt track. There’s nothing more rewarding than reaching a goal you’ve set for yourself.

Cheers.
ps: Death is overrated and to embrace life is to be the coolest.

One Tomato Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Oozing Brain Juice 
Visualised by archtomato On Tuesday, February 3, 2009 at 0:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,

There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be that we needed to invent the helmet.

What was happening, apparently, was that we were involved in a lot of activities that were cracking our heads. We chose not to avoid doing these activities but, instead, to come up with some sort of device to help us continue enjoying our head-cracking lifestyles.

The helmet.

And even that didn’t work because not enough people were wearing them so we had to come up with the helmet law. Which is even stupider, the idea behind the helmet law being to preserve a brain whose judgment is so poor, it does not even try to stop the cracking of the head it’s in.

Cheers.
ps: Helmets are useless.

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Robin the Sissy Bird 
Visualised by archtomato On Sunday, February 1, 2009 at 21:06 Hrs | Minimum B.S.


Here’s to NiteWing.
Nite Bird of Woodlands.


No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Tributes 
  Main

Fact File
Archtomato

Archtomato . OxyMoron .
Laughing at Gilded Butterflies

Archtomato works in the IT security industry and has managed to convince his bosses for the past 10 years that his best work is yet to come.

Archtomato is a coffee nut, a photographer without focus, a traveler who can't read maps, a diver who floats all too easily and a champion of world peace.

He is an avid practitioner of the dark side of the force; admires Chuck Norris, Paris Hilton and collects vintage Batman comics. Just like the Horizon, Time Dilation, Flying pigs, Tax Reliefs and possibly, the "Opposition", he believes he is more of a concept than a corporeal being.

Archtomato believes that the true nature of man is decided in the battle between the conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious and that the evil of man's subconscious is often too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle.

He now lives in a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, smelly beavers, zits, herpes, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, conscription, yellow bananas, stupid people, nightmares, dog whisperers,Gamma Ray Bursts, Nuke Baddies and sings badly but regularly in the bathroom.


 Tomatoes were sacrificed in the making of this website, contents and for the continual existence of its owner.

 Rss 2.0  |  Atom  |  Main

Blog Search




Articles Vault

Categories



References



Recent Comments



Spam


Still going strong in an inane work full of Ozone Depletion, Data Breaches, Chuck Norris, Tough Cookies, Mangy Dogs, Zits, Scurvy, Ninjas, Racism, Pollution, Herpes, Festivus , Broccoli, Mimes, Ghost Whisperer, Smelly Beavers, Petya, Donald Trump, Adolescence, Gravity, Pin Worms, Maths, Black Holes, Jedis, Cuban Cigars, Quick Sand, Methamphetamie, Ransomware and Nuke Baddies. Archtomato.com® reserves the full rights to all materials found on this domain. All works are commisioned and owned by Archtomato.com®, unless explicitly stated and are protected by international copyright laws. Archtomato.com® shall not be held liable should these materials be distributed without the explicit written permission of Archtomato.com®. Not Suitable for Dummies, Feminists, Animal Rights Activists, Scientologists and Dead People. Powered by 125% Freshly Locally Squeezed Tomato Juice.

Archtomato.com © 2005-2019. All Rights Reserved.