Deepa Oli 
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, October 16, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
 
 
I will Keep it Short and Simple
Happy Deepavali Greetings to All

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Unlocking the S-Chromosome – The Stupid People Series 
Visualised by archtomato On Tuesday, October 10, 2006 at 11:35 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

**Disclaimer: This Material is not intended for everyone. Please wear protection while reading this article or you could wake up stupid tomorrow. Your kids may no longer respect you after reading this article, parental guidance is advised.**

Credit to : Atomic for the Concept Art | Cog for making the paper swan swim.

This is the second article in the 3 part "stupid people" series. It will attempt to introduce the reason for stupidity and raise an awareness of how to keep stupidity in check. We present graphical representations and studies conducted by leading bodies. All information is deemed privileged.

What is stupidity? I do not define it as someone who is not good in school. Personally, I don’t think getting an ‘A’ for vector algebra in elementary mathematics has anything to do with one’s own biological stupid meter. In fact, studies have shown that the stupid gene (also known as the S-chromosome) is more active in educated people.

Stupidity can be described with an article titled "The Power of Stupidity" by Giancarlo Livraghi. It tries to establish a mathematical explanation to the anomaly. "Strange Stories from the Global Classroom" by Grace McCann gives real life stupid examples for real life stupid people. For example, a teacher in the Netherlands taught his high school students how to rob cash machines. A teacher and coach in India bit the head of a live sparrow in from of his wrestling team in order to motivate them. Now, these are some really stupid people.

Enter the S-Chromosome. The S-chromosome is a allele ( ‘gene’ in human language) that decides how stupid you get to be. Just like any other gene, the Stupid gene is hereditary. By the time you read this, studies would have already been started on finding a cure for this anomaly. For you to properly understand the S-Chromosome, you would have to first understand how human genetics work.

An example:

In the picture above, We have a mother with black eyes and a dad with blue eyes.

– The mom has both black (Bl) and blue (b) genes. She has black eyes as the black gene is stronger and the blue gene becomes a bitch

– The blue eyed dad has blue eyes as both his genes are blue (b).

– From these two people, their children have a 50% chance of having blue eyes. Any child that gets one Black gene and one blue gene will have black eyes.

Smart people call it the ‘dominant and recessive’ effect. I call it the black whooping the blue’s ass and calling it susan. Now that we have all become genetic scientist, we can now go deeper and study the S-Chromosome.

Introduction:

 

All references to the Stupid gene will be as ‘S’ in black colour and the smart gene will be ‘s’ in blue colour

Scenario 1:

– The mother in this example is smart with two smart genes

– The father has one Stupid gene and one smart gene. He is stupid as the Stupid gene is Dominant.

– From these two people, their children have a 50% chance of either being smart like their mom or being stupid like their dad.

Scenario 2:

– The mother in this example is smart with two smart genes, say like Oprah Winfrey

– The Dad is a classical stupid with two Stupid genes, someone like say .. MJ.

– The children will all have the Stupid gene and will never be smart. The Stupid gene is dominant. They might study medicine, and become doctors, really lame doctors.

Scenario 3:

– The mom is an ass.

– The dad can be used as a trash can.

– Their children will all be trash cans that look like an ass.

As you can see from my 3 example, just one person having one Stupid gene will be a force to be reckoned with. In a few generations, his entire family will be stupid and that’s just one family from one guy in one small little town. Now apply the concept in a global stage. From the time it took you to start reading this article and till now, thousands have become stupid.

Cheers

ps: There is no cure for stupidity. Better safe than sorry.

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2 Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Failure Management – The Stupid People Series 
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, September 25, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
 
*Disclaimer: This Material is not intended for everyone. Stupid people, please turn back. Sensitive angels and all other bullshit should probably leave as well. If you read this article, its your responsibility and not mine. Any effort to blame the author shall and will only emphasise on the fact that you should read the second sentence of this disclaimer again and again and again.*
 
Well, recently a friend of mine attempted suicide. Well, its more like he attempted to attempt suicide. He called a few of us and said that the fishes in the sea were calling out to him and that wanted to go swimming in the sea indefinitely. I celebrated for a few days about his departure from my life of course. Then a few days later i see him back at work. It seems he got the flu and had to put off the swimming trip.
 
Everyone dies eventually, some just take more effort in making it happen at a time and way of their liking. And to be honest the success rates this suicides seem to be taking a dive.
 
I think the success rate of suicides run in parallel to the stupidity of the person trying. They go together in a Quadratic Curve chart. Take all suicide cases for a month and start plotting, and you will start seeing some really very stupid people. These are the people who should be hunted to extinction before they start spreading their S-Chromosome stupid gene. In depth analysis about how the S-Chromosome will be discussed in future articles.
 
I’m not really into telling people what to do, more so telling people how to die. But seriously, sometimes there are things that i just can’t comprehend.
 
The thing I don’t understand about people who attempt suicide is when for some reason they don’t die, that’s it. They stop trying. Why don’t they just keep trying? What’s changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact, it’s worse, because now they’ve found out here’s one more thing they suck at.
 
And that’s why these people don’t succeed at life to begin with. Most people are made out to be losers by their attitude or their societies but some are just born one. They give up too easy. I say, pills don’t work? Try a rope. Drowning not helping? Try a shark or a sting-ray. There’s nothing more rewarding than reaching a goal you’ve set for yourself.

Cheers
ps: Those of you who want me to be more sensitive, please stuff a sock up yours
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No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Ramadan 1427 
Visualised by archtomato On Friday, September 22, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
A Man with a Gun 
Visualised by archtomato On Tuesday, September 12, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

This is the transcript from Fight Club. I’m posting it to make a point. Read to the bottom for my point. If you feel that its gonna be chore to read this crap, then i suggest you stop now and wait for the next article to come along.

JACK
What are we doing?

TYLER
Homework assignment.

JACK
What is it?

Tyler takes out a HANDGUN, hands the backpack back.

TYLER
Human Sacrifice.

Jack turns white, staring at the gun.

EXT. BEHIND THE CONVENIENCE STORE – MOMENTS LATER

The BACK DOOR opens and Tyler brings the store’s CLERK out
at gunpoint, forces him to his knees. Jack follows,
freaked. Tyler points the gun at the Clerk.

JACK (V.O.)
On a long enough time line, the
survival rate for everyone drops to
zero.

CLERK
Please… don’t…

TYLER
Give me your wallet.

The Clerk fumbles his wallet out of his pocket and Tyler
snatches it. Tyler pulls out the DRIVER’S LICENCE.

TYLER
Raymond K. Hessel. 1320 SE Benning,
apartment A. A small, cramped
basement apartment.

RAYMOND
How would you know?

TYLER
They give basement apartments letters
instead of numbers. Raymond, you’re
going to die.

Tyler rummages through the wallet.

TYLER
Is this a picture of Mom and Dad?

RAYMOND
Yesssss…

TYLER
Your mom and dad will have to call
kindly doctor so-and-so to dig up
your dental records, because there
won’t be much left of your face.

RAYMOND
Please, God, no…

Raymond begins to weep, shoulders heaving.

JACK
Tyler…

TYLER
An expired community college student
ID card. What did you used to study,
Raymond K. Hessel?

RAYMOND
S-S-Stuff.

TYLER
"Stuff." Were the mid-terms hard?

Tyler rams the gun barrel against Raymond’s temple.

TYLER
I asked you what you studied.

JACK
Tell him!

RAYMOND
Biology, mostly.

TYLER
Why?

RAYMOND
I… I don’t know…

TYLER
What did you want to be, Raymond K.
Hessel?

Raymond weeps and says nothing. Tyler arms the gun.
Raymond GASPS.

TYLER
The question, Raymond, was "what did
you want to be?"

JACK
Answer him!

RAYMOND
A veterinarian!

TYLER
Animals.

RAYMOND
Yeah … animals and s-s-s

TYLER
Stuff. That means you have to get
more schooling.

RAYMOND
Too much school.

Tyler shoves Raymond’s wallet back into Raymond’s pocket.

TYLER
Would you rather be dead?

RAYMOND
No, please, no, God, no!

Tyler moves the gun right between Raymond’s eyes.

RAYMOND
NOOOOO!

Tyler unarms the gun, lowers it.

TYLER
I’m keeping your license. I know
where you live. I’m going to check
on you. If you aren’t back in school
and on your way to being a
veterinarian in six weeks, you will
be dead. Get the hell out of here.

Raymond staggers to his feet, heads down an alleyway. Jack
and Tyler watch Raymond flee, then Tyler looks at Jack.

JACK
I feel sick.

TYLER
Imagine how he feels.

Tyler brings the gun to his own head, pulls the trigger
CLICK. Empty.

JACK
I don’t care, that was horrible.

Tyler walks away.

TYLER
Tomorrow will be the most beautiful
day of Raymond K. Hessell’s life.

Jack watches Tyler go.

TYLER
His breakfast will taste better than
any meal he has ever eaten.

Jack turns to look the direction Raymond ran. He finally
turns back, following after Tyler.

So what if Tyler Durden put a Gun to my head? What would I tell him?I wanted to be an Pilot, a clown, a good person. Now i’m neither of the three and walk the dark lonely path. Maybe a Man with a gun to my head could remind me of that.

Cheers
ps: This thread is dedicated to Tok’s right leg. For all the clicking good times.
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4 Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Can you smell that? 
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, September 4, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,

I was listening to “Perfect Ten 98.7FM” the other day on the radio.
There was this guy coming on and complaining about how his colleague
had bad body odour and how he stunk up the office.

I have encountered smelly people in my semi long life. Once you meet
this people you will never be the same. A small part of your smell
glands die and the way you smell things will change for the rest of
you life.

If i was doing my post graduate degree in smell-o-logy, i would
probably write a thesis on Body odour. Its an enigma and i think its a
field that should be explored more.

Can someone please tell me what is the deal with B.O.? Why do we need
B.O.? Everything in nature has a function, a purpose, except B.O.
Doesn’t make any sense. Do something good-hard work, exercise-smell
very bad. This is the way the human being is designed. You move, you
stink. Why don’t our bodies help us?

Why can’t sweat smell good? Be a different world, wouldn’t it? Instead
of putting your laundry in the hamper, you’d put it in a vase. You’d
have a dirty sweat sock hanging from the rear view mirror of your car.
And then on a really special night, maybe a little underwear coming
out of your breast pocket, just to show her that she’s important.

Cheers

ps: People with B.O may be nice people, but they sure don’t smell it.
Technorati tags: , Bad Smell

No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
News Flash 04 – September – 2006 
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, September 4, 2006 at 9:57 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
 
 
 
Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter is dead.
 
 
 
No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Maybe Baby 
Visualised by archtomato On Friday, August 25, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,

*Disclaimer: This Material is not intended for everyone. Parents should
probably avoid this article like small pox and children should grow up a
little
more. People who love Jennifer Love Hewit in “Ghost Whisperer” should
turn back just about now.
Parental Guidance is NOT advised.*

For a while now i realise that everywhere i turn i see babies in my block.
There’s a baby across my flat, there are babies where i take the lift, hell
there are babies in the bus i take to work, so much so that i have to give
up seats to them. Its not as though THEY are sitting, its the fat ass
parents who get to park their asses.

My friend just had a baby. And belive me, i didn’t have anything to do with it. There is so much pressure to see this baby. Every
time i talk to them, they say, “You have got to see the baby. When are you
coming over to see the baby? See the baby. See the baby. “Nobody ever wants
you to come over and see their grandfather. “You gotta see him. He’s so
cute. He’s 90kg. I love when they’re this age. He’s a thousand months. You
know the mid-eighties is such a good time for grandpeople. You’ve got to see
him. He went to the bathroom by himself today.”

What’s tough about seeing people when they have a new baby is that you have
to try and match their level of enthusiasm. They’re always so excited. “What
do you think of him? What do you think?”

Just once I would like to meet a couple that goes, “You know, we’re not that
happy with him frankly. I think we really made a big mistake. We should
have gotten an aquarium. You want him? We’ve really had enough.”

I personally don’t understand whats the big deal about babies anyway. They
cry at odd hours and like to take a crap and let you do the washing.
They are all
wet and squally most of the times, and the best thing is .. Its near to
impossible to have a intelligent conversation with them.

Cheers

ps: Babies of all ages like to stare at me.

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7 Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
The "The Question" 
Visualised by archtomato On Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 7:30 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

OK ok,

Here’s a horrible little game you can play at your next family gathering. I call it the "The Question", and it’s a real eye-opener. All you do is pose the following hypothetical question to your family:

“Suppose you found a thousand dollars in cash that you knew had been lost by a billionaire. Now, because this is a hypothetical question, let’s assume that the billionaire would never be aware that he lost it, and there would be no way that anyone else would know if you kept the money. And let’s say you knew there would be no reward or other indirect benefit in returning the money. Would you give it back?”

If you ask this question in a group, I suspect a lot of people would say they’d give it back. But if you ask people privately, you might be surprised to discover how many of your family members are crooks. The best case scenario is that they’re just too lazy to give back the money. Either way, it’s not good news if you drop your wallet at the family reunion. In my experience, most of the people who say they’d give back the cash are the ones who don’t need an extra thousand dollars. The ones who say they’d keep it usually have a good idea how they’d spend it.

 A certain percentage of the population believes that God is watching them with one hand on a "microwave that guy" switch and the other on the trap door to Hell. About half of that group will also keep the money, under the theory that if God wanted the billionaire to have it, he never would have let him lose it in the first place.

 How about you? Would you keep it?

Cheers
ps: If you are "aksh" then you can’t ask this question.
ps2: I’ll probably loath you if you are one the those who will say that they will return the cash.
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No Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
Wattsup Doc 
Visualised by archtomato On Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 4:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,
 
I was at the doctor’s just now, getting treatment for my flu and bad sore throat. While waiting, i got thinking about what i could write about for my next entry.
 
I realise people love to recommend their doctor to you. I don’t know what they get out of it, but they really push them on you. "Is he good?" "He’s the best. This guy’s the best." There can’t be this many "bests." Someone’s graduating at the bottom of these classes. Where are these doctors? Is someone somewhere saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he’s the worst. He’s the absolute worst there is. Whatever you’ve got, it’ll be worse after you see him. The man’s an absolute butcher."
 
And whenever a friend refers a doctor they say, "Make sure that you tell him that you know me." Why? What’s the difference? He’s a doctor. "You tell him my name and he’ll give you medicines, for everyone else he gives tic-tacs."
 
I hate the waiting corners at the clinics because it’s called the waiting corner, so there’s no chance of not waiting. It’s built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they’ve got this room all set up? They make you sit there with your little magazine. You pretend you’re reading it but you’re really looking at the other people. "I wonder what he’s got".
 
Cheers
ps: Happy National Day, Brace yourself Singapore !!!

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2 Tomatoes Squashed   •  Throw a Tomato  •  Category: Ageless 
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Archtomato . OxyMoron .
Laughing at Gilded Butterflies

Archtomato works in the IT security industry and has managed to convince his bosses for the past 10 years that his best work is yet to come.

Archtomato is a coffee nut, a photographer without focus, a traveler who can't read maps, a diver who floats all too easily and a champion of world peace.

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Archtomato believes that the true nature of man is decided in the battle between the conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious and that the evil of man's subconscious is often too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle.

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