Flying in a Jet Plane !!!
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, July 31, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
I was working in Changi Airport the other day and was lazing round a little, watching the planes go by and checking out cheap goods at the duty free shops. And my boredom got me thinking.
I think fear of flying is quite rational because, human beings cannot fly. Humans should have fear of flying the same way fish should have fear of driving. Put a fish behind the wheel and they probably go, "This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be doing this. I don’t belong here, hell i can’t even breathe."
Flying doesn’t make me nervous. Getting to the airport can make me nervous. Because if you miss that plane, there’s no alternative. On the ground you have options. You have buses, you have taxis, you have trains. But when you’re taking a flight, if you miss it, that’s it.
No airline goes, "Well, you missed the flight. We do have a cannon leaving in about ten minutes. Would you be interested in that? It’s not a direct cannon, you have to change cannons after you land". "So all right, let’s aim it here, where are you going, Nepal? Oh Mongolia, all right, wait a second then, let me move it a little. Mongolia. You should hit about Mongolia or maybe Nepal. Are you ready? Now, make sure you get out of the net immediately because we shoot the luggage in right after you."
The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. You ever fly standby? It never works. That’s why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, "Bye."
Cheers ps: The Budget Terminal Sucks Big Time
Technorati tags: Archtomato, Budget terminal
19 Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
I, Poet
Visualised by archtomato On Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 5:32 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
In the furrow of heresy the leaves thrall,
In the blanket of destiny the rifles perform,
In the closet of ambition the needles tred, In the shelter of desertion the levers ache, In the haven of hunger the mice hunker,
In the chalice of gibberish the puddles tip, In the sanctum of desertion the people mourn, In the chimney of volition the sedges spit, In the nightmare of redemption the wisdom lurks, In the graveyard of discordance the mists wither and fade.
In the recesses of misery the tomato weaves.
unCheers ps: I penned this poem purely out of random words. ps2: Even a plankton can compose a poem Technorati tags: Archtomato, Really bad peom
9 Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
2 men
Visualised by archtomato On Saturday, July 22, 2006 at 8:25 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
A Man walked into a bar …
A Second man saw it and ducked just in time.
Cheers
ps: Most people have no idea what i am talking about.
Technorati tags: Archtomato, 2 Men
7 Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
Birthday is Bad-Day
Visualised by archtomato On Sunday, July 16, 2006 at 4:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
I am getting a little tired of pretending I’m excited every time it’s somebody’s birthday. I mean really, at this point, what is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, every person, over and over?
All you did was not die for twelve months. This is the big accomplishment? Nobody likes having "Happy Birthday" sung to them. Nobody likes those icky white frosting cakes. Nobody likes pretending they like the gift. (At least no one who is like me).
Tomato : "Do you really like it?" Friend : "Yes, I do." Tomato : "Because if you don’t, you can return it and get something else."* Friend : "No, no, I really like it."* Tomato : "I want to be sure you like it."* Friend : "Yes, I love it."* Tomato : "I had a feeling you’d like it."* Friend : "You know, it’s perfect."*
(* These are all lies.)
There’s an entire industry of bad gifts. All those "executive" gifts, any stupid, goofy, brass wood thing, lip shaped pillows, cheap imitation watches and lame birthday cards with pre-loaded greetings.
Nothing compares with the paperweight as a bad gift. To me, there’s no better way than a paperweight to express to someone, "I refused to put any thought into this at all." And where are these people working that the papers are just blowing right off of their desks anyway? Is their office screwed to the durian shell roof of the Esplanade or do they by chance work in a wind tunnel or something? What do you need a paperweight for? Where’s the wind coming from?
And then there’s the gift certificate. I love the gift certificate. That’s another real slap in the face, isn’t it? It’s got that little, bogus border around the edge, so it looks real official. It’s an "I-don’t-give-a-damn certificate." That’s what a gift certificate is.
I only present people with paper weights or gift certificates. If it’s an enemy, i give both.
Cheers.
ps: I celebrate Anti-Birthday Day. It falls on everyday of the calender. Technorati tags: Archtomato, Gifts
13 Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
The World Cup Song
Visualised by archtomato On Monday, July 10, 2006 at 6:46 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Itay Won. Penalties Sucked. France Lost. Penalties Sucked. Score 5-3. The Penalties Sucked. Trezeguet Failed to Score. The Penalties Sucked. Zidane Cried. The Penalties Sucked.
M.Klose has the most balls. C.Ronaldo is a Whore. Ronaldo is Fat. C.Ronaldo is a Whore. Pele has no Comments. C.Ronaldo is a Whore.
South Korea bored. England Sucked Ghana kicked Ass. England Sucked. Spain wil win 2010. England will still Suck.
4 More Years to South Africa 2010. O ya, The Penalties Sucked.
Cheers. ps: My poem rhymes too. So i might just get a Nobel Price for my piece.
7 Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
Great Expectations
Visualised by archtomato On Saturday, July 8, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
Well everyone have expectations. Parents have expectations from their children. Teachers have expectations from their students. Friends have expectations from each other. Citizens have expectations from their governments.
Sometimes expectations are fulfilled but sometimes they remain in our hearts, never to see the light. The fulfillment of the expectations leads to happiness and satisfaction (most of the time) But when they are left unfilled, then it hurts more than anything.
Saying so, i don’t understand why people have expectations from one another.
When they know that in the end, expectation lead to hurt and disappointment.
Then why to have expectations? Why wait on them getting fulfilled?
Cheers
ps: I expect France to win, but they might just decide to make love and not war! Technorati tags: Archtomato, Expectations
No Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
Sauna
Visualised by archtomato On Saturday, July 8, 2006 at 4:50 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
Is it just me or is it getting hotter by the day. I am sitting at home, sweating, with a fan beating over my head.
Its getting weird.
I can feel precious water dissipating away from my skin and a huge carnal thirst developing (for water ofcourse).
I think i stink faster now then before too.
Tragic
unCheers
ps: The carrier man can.
No Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
Liquid Paradox
Visualised by archtomato On Sunday, July 2, 2006 at 9:29 Hrs | Minimum B.S.
Ok ok,
I don’t understand humankind’s fascination and fanaticism with water. We go surfing, diving, swimming, snorkeling, fishing and nowadays even are exchanged in the deep seas.
And then i see people drinking water, holding little bottles of water. Hell, even our bodies are made out of water and how how water is vital for our survival and all that crap.
After all that has been said and done, whenever there is rain or even drizzles, i see people running for cover. It becomes a warzone and everyone heading for some nuke free shelter. And i hear inane remarks like, "I’m Drenched, Why the hell is it raining?".
Whats the deal with that?
Also, I wonder how superman flies around during rainy times. What if a disaster strikes during rainy season, does he wait for rain to stop. I mean, the guy’s supposed to fly faster than a speeding bullet at really high altitudes. In perspective, that would be like a F22 Raptor doing a Mach 8.
At that height and speed, the negative ions will be charged up so fast he will be a moving target for lightning faster then he can say, “Lois, u’r one stupid chick”. And the rain, lets get back to the rain, even a small raindrop will hit him with a 10kg force per inch. Superman indeed.
I started with water and ended with superman and phsyics. Ok i’m done.
Cheers
16 Tomatoes Squashed • Throw a Tomato • Category: Ageless |
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Fact File Archtomato Archtomato . OxyMoron . Laughing at Gilded Butterflies Archtomato works in the IT security industry and has managed to convince his bosses for the past 10 years that his best work is yet to come.
Archtomato is a coffee nut, a photographer without focus, a traveler who can't read maps, a diver who floats all too easily and a champion of world peace.
He is an avid practitioner of the dark side of the force; admires Chuck Norris, Paris Hilton and collects vintage Batman comics. Just like the Horizon, Time Dilation, Flying pigs, Tax Reliefs and possibly, the "Opposition", he believes he is more of a concept than a corporeal being.
Archtomato believes that the true nature of man is decided in the battle between the conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious and that the evil of man's subconscious is often too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle.
He now lives in a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, smelly beavers, zits, herpes, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, conscription, yellow bananas, stupid people, nightmares, dog whisperers,Gamma Ray Bursts, Nuke Baddies and sings badly but regularly in the bathroom.
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