Ok ok,

TV has so much power. I know it does.

To me the worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you’re doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt. Some people are having a little too much fun on television. The coke commercial people, where do they get this enthusiasm? Have you seen them? Jumping, laughing, flying through the air. It’s a can of COKE for goodness sake!

Have you ever been sitting there watching TV and you’re drinking the exact same product that they’re advertising right there on TV? And they’re spiking volleyballs, jet skiing, stealing t-shirts from Jamaicans and girls in bikinis. And then you look around and see yourself drinking the product all alone in your small little flat going, "Maybe I’m putting too much ice in mine. I’m not getting that as seen on TV effect."

And then there’s the local "Makan places lost and found". I had the unfortunate chance of glancing upon it on TV mobile the other day while standing all the way thru the damn BKE – PIE journey. Gurmit Singh and that woman co host of his. Whats the deal with them? Why do they have to eat everything that they can get hold of? And why the hell must everything taste so good? Its like you could probably feed a small town in Nigeria with the same amount of food those two gobble down their hatches. After so much incoming, the outgoing must be pretty interesting …

Don’t you hate "To Be Continued"s on TV? It’s horrible when you sense the "To Be Continued" coming. You know you’re watching the show, you’re into the story, then there’s like five minutes left and suddenly you realize, "Hey, they can’t make it. Aaron Aziz’s still stuck in the cave. There’s no way they can wrap this up in five minutes." I mean the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I’ve got my life and perhaps yours too.

TV has so much power. I know it does.

Cheers
ps: I can’t stand Ghost Whisperer

Technorati tags: Archtomato, TV crap

Ok ok,

Many cheesy one liners, lame jokes that go off the lame-o-meter and some very interesting remarks have been based one question. The question that comes just after the big bang theory. “Why did the Tandoori Chicken cross the road?”. Here are some why:

George Bush’s Answer:

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Bill Gates’ Answer:

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Dr. Seuss’ Answer:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

Martin Luther King Jr’s Answer:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa’s Answer:

In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Jerry Seinfield’s Answer:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Jerry Falwell’s Answer:

Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

John Lennon’s Answer:

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Saddam Hussein’s Answer:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in

dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Fox Mulder’s Answer:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

And the all time favourite

Bill Clinton’s Answer:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

So tell me .. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cheers.

ps: This author is suffering from Writer’s block.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, why chicken cross the road

**Disclaimer: This Material is not intended for everyone. Please wear protection while reading this article or you could wake up stupid tomorrow. Your kids may no longer respect you after reading this article, parental guidance is advised.**

Credit to : Atomic for the Concept Art | Cog for making the paper swan swim.

This is the second article in the 3 part "stupid people" series. It will attempt to introduce the reason for stupidity and raise an awareness of how to keep stupidity in check. We present graphical representations and studies conducted by leading bodies. All information is deemed privileged.

What is stupidity? I do not define it as someone who is not good in school. Personally, I don’t think getting an ‘A’ for vector algebra in elementary mathematics has anything to do with one’s own biological stupid meter. In fact, studies have shown that the stupid gene (also known as the S-chromosome) is more active in educated people.

Stupidity can be described with an article titled "The Power of Stupidity" by Giancarlo Livraghi. It tries to establish a mathematical explanation to the anomaly. "Strange Stories from the Global Classroom" by Grace McCann gives real life stupid examples for real life stupid people. For example, a teacher in the Netherlands taught his high school students how to rob cash machines. A teacher and coach in India bit the head of a live sparrow in from of his wrestling team in order to motivate them. Now, these are some really stupid people.

Enter the S-Chromosome. The S-chromosome is a allele ( ‘gene’ in human language) that decides how stupid you get to be. Just like any other gene, the Stupid gene is hereditary. By the time you read this, studies would have already been started on finding a cure for this anomaly. For you to properly understand the S-Chromosome, you would have to first understand how human genetics work.

An example:

In the picture above, We have a mother with black eyes and a dad with blue eyes.

– The mom has both black (Bl) and blue (b) genes. She has black eyes as the black gene is stronger and the blue gene becomes a bitch

– The blue eyed dad has blue eyes as both his genes are blue (b).

– From these two people, their children have a 50% chance of having blue eyes. Any child that gets one Black gene and one blue gene will have black eyes.

Smart people call it the ‘dominant and recessive’ effect. I call it the black whooping the blue’s ass and calling it susan. Now that we have all become genetic scientist, we can now go deeper and study the S-Chromosome.

Introduction:

All references to the Stupid gene will be as ‘S’ in black colour and the smart gene will be ‘s’ in blue colour

Scenario 1:

– The mother in this example is smart with two smart genes

– The father has one Stupid gene and one smart gene. He is stupid as the Stupid gene is Dominant.

– From these two people, their children have a 50% chance of either being smart like their mom or being stupid like their dad.

Scenario 2:

– The mother in this example is smart with two smart genes, say like Oprah Winfrey

– The Dad is a classical stupid with two Stupid genes, someone like say .. MJ.

– The children will all have the Stupid gene and will never be smart. The Stupid gene is dominant. They might study medicine, and become doctors, really lame doctors.

Scenario 3:

– The mom is an ass.

– The dad can be used as a trash can.

– Their children will all be trash cans that look like an ass.

As you can see from my 3 example, just one person having one Stupid gene will be a force to be reckoned with. In a few generations, his entire family will be stupid and that’s just one family from one guy in one small little town. Now apply the concept in a global stage. From the time it took you to start reading this article and till now, thousands have become stupid.

Cheers

ps: There is no cure for stupidity. Better safe than sorry.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, Stuid People