Ok ok,

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialled it. A man answered saying, “Hello?”.

I politely said, “This is Tomato, could I please speak with Robin?”. Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin’s correct number, and called him (I had transposed the last two digits of his phone number).

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to my office, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is Tomato from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?” He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!”

So, one day I was at the store with a friend in his car.

Some boy in a black BMW cut us off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. My friend hit the horn and I yelled that we had been waiting for the spot.

The idiot ignored us. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialled and someone said “Hello?”

I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

“Yes it is.”

“Can you tell me where I can see it?”

“Yes, I live at #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out front.”

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“My name is Hassan,” he said.

“When’s a good time to catch you, Hassan?”

“I’m home every evening after five.”

“Listen, Hassan, can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“Hassan, you’re an asshole!” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.

“Hello?”

“You’re an asshole!” (but I didn’t hang up.)

“Are you still there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Stop calling me,” he screamed.

“Make me,” I said.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Hassan.”

“Yeah? Where do you live?”

“Asshole, I live at #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate. The one with a Black BMW for sale”

He said, “I’m coming over right now, Hassan. And you had better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole.”

Then I called Asshole #2:

“Hello?” he said.

“Hello asshole,” I said.

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”

“You’ll what?” I said.

“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.

I answered, “Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel News Asia about the gang war going down on #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate. I quickly headed over to #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate . There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 2 Police cars, a riot police van, and news crew.

Cheers

ps: Hope u like it.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, Anger Management, Thoughts

Ok ok,

It’s never easy to overcome a serious Internet addiction, or a compulsive computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn’t as painful as kidney stones.
A few ways to atleast try:

1. Let go of the mouse.

2. Turn off the computer.

3. Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.

4. Eat something other than taco chips.

5. Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.

6. Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.

7. Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don’t tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.
Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.

8. When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.

9. If you see someone, say “Hi” to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.

10. Visit a friend that you haven’t spoken to in years because they don’t have an email address.

11. Have “.com” officially removed from behind your name.

12. Go on a date with someone you didn’t meet in a chat room.

Cheers.

ps: Cyber Addiction Kills. Slowly.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, top ten Lists

What are rules and why do they even exist? Who came up with them and what for? I believe these are a couple of questions I’m sure all of us will ponder at least once in our lonely existence.

Rules are meant to be broken. I have heard this old adage being used to death many many times. So is it true than. Are rules really expandable and are they worth breaking.

Some claim rules are akin to quick sand.
It traps you.
The more u struggle the more u freeze.
You try to fight back.
You try to adapt.
But you start making a mistake.
Then another.
And another.
Till you cannot breathe.
Like Quicksand.

I’m sure some of us think rules were whipped up by bored old farts who take too much sugar for their own good, that rules were simply a means to leash us and make us dance to a desolate tune that we had neither or envisioned nor orchestrated. Everything exists in parallels. Light and Darkness … Yin and Yang, Life and Death. Even a piece of paper has 2 sides. Galileo did say that life exist in perfect symmetry.

So it got me thinking .. could these rules that we tirelessly fight be actually a means to help us? To guide us? To sustain us? Could our ignorance be the reason we hate rules? The mind fights what it deems illogical, what it deems irrelevant and fights to propagate towards an opposite.

Although the mind is beautiful, it is by no means perfect. Its erratic, far too much erratic. Without the mind, there is no body, and without the body, no life. Could rules actually be the meas to protect the mind to ensure our survival?

“It’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s what you do about it that
counts.”

Cheers
Technorati tags: Archtomato, Thoughts

When you send people stuff you can send it in two distinct ways:
– So that everyone can see everybody else’s email address, and
– So that everyone can’t see everybody else’s email address.

When you put the email addresses in the "To" field or in the "CC" field, everyone can see everyone else’s email address. But, when you use the "BCC" field, the system hides the addresses of everyone else. I am writing this page to encourage everyone to learn about the "BCC" field and to learn how to use it.

The "BCC" field gets its name from "Blind Carbon Copy". "BCC" is a term that was originally used (back when dirt was a novelty and typewriters used carbon paper) to indicate a carbon copy that was being made but wasn’t being acknowledged. It was a kind of  "secret" copy, one that the addressee didn’t know about.

Today, in Internet email it has a different use. It is used to hide email addresses so that you don’t disclose everyone’s email address to everyone else. Why should you hide the address of everyone else? Because when you don’t those addresses can get forwarded all across the Internet. When you send twenty of your friends an email showing all twenty email addresses and those people forward that email to twenty of their friends, suddenly 400 people now have your friends’ email addresses. These email addresses remain in the email and many people don’t edit them out. I once received an email that had been forwarded and forwarded and I was able to harvest 278 email addresses from that one email.

Ever wonder how your email address gets on those spam lists? This is one way. This is what happens when people send your email address to people who don’t know you.

Are you writing 5 of your friends who all know each other? No problem. They all have each other’s email address anyway. You aren’t disclosing anything. Are you in the office or in a business transaction. No problem.

But, the next time you open up that email that was forwarded to you with a joke, motivational story, funny cartoon, or even with one of the ubiquitous virus alerts, look through that email. See how many email addresses you can see for people you do not know. And as you forward that email across the Internet to your friends sending those email addresses to spammers, remember that you know how to hide your friends’ addresses to protect them.

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you’re going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim “Oh, just surprise me!” and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Say “Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say “Well, so is this! You’ve got some explaining to do!” When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, “Do you know what it’s like to be lied to?”

Cheers.

ps: 241-0-241.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, jokes

Ok ok,

The Cube is an invention of the human mind and a triumph for art. The imagination is given a jolt by the visualisation of limited space. Here is the third dimension conceived by the bright brain of our ancestors. Geometry is born and the world can finally be represented in images on a surface, giving the illusion of depth. Art is a means of orientation within a complicated daily life, but still an illusion or a metapore. Colour is an illusion. Even time and space may be pure concepts, invented for our use, in order to enable us to measure and controle our lives.

Cheers.

ps: To be truly cube is to be truly perfect.

Technorati tags: Archtomato, Cube, Thoughts

We are the centre. In each our minds. Some my call it arrogance or selfishness. We are the center and all the world moves around us, and for us, and because of us. this is the paradox of community. The one and whole, the desires of the one often in conflict with the needs of the whole.

Who among us has not wondered if all the world is no more than a personal dream? I do not believe that such thoughts are arrogant, are selfish. It is simply a matter of perception. We can empathize with someone else, but we cannot truly see the world as another person sees it or judge events as they affect the mind and the heart of another, even a friend. But we must try. For the sake of all the world , we must try.

This is test of altruism, the most basic and undeniable ingredient for society. Therein lies the paradox, for ultimately, logically, we each must case more about ourselves than about others, and yet if as rational beings we follow that logical course, we place our needs and desires above the needs of our society, then there is no community.

Cheers

Technorati tags: Archtomato, The One and His Community, Thoughts