| Anger Management Visualised by archtomato On Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 16:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S. Ok ok, For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialled it. A man answered saying, “Hello?”. I politely said, “This is Tomato, could I please speak with Robin?”. Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number, and called him (I had transposed the last two digits of his phone number). After hanging up with him, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to my office, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is Tomato from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?” He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!” So, one day I was at the store with a friend in his car. Some boy in a black BMW cut us off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. My friend hit the horn and I yelled that we had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored us. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialled and someone said “Hello?” I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?” “Yes it is.” “Can you tell me where I can see it?” “Yes, I live at #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out front.” “What’s your name?” I asked. “My name is Hassan,” he said. “When’s a good time to catch you, Hassan?” “I’m home every evening after five.” “Listen, Hassan, can I tell you something?” “Yes?” “Hassan, you’re an asshole!” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. “Hello?” “You’re an asshole!” (but I didn’t hang up.) “Are you still there?” he asked. “Yeah,” I said. “Stop calling me,” he screamed. “Make me,” I said. “Who are you?” he asked. “My name is Hassan.” “Yeah? Where do you live?” “Asshole, I live at #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate. The one with a Black BMW for sale” He said, “I’m coming over right now, Hassan. And you had better start saying your prayers.” I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole.” Then I called Asshole #2: “Hello?” he said. “Hello asshole,” I said. He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…” “You’ll what?” I said. “I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed. I answered, “Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.” Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then, I called Channel News Asia about the gang war going down on #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate. I quickly headed over to #02-15, 3 Toh Guan Estate . There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 2 Police cars, a riot police van, and news crew. Cheers ps: Hope u like it. Technorati tags: Archtomato, Anger Management, Thoughts Main | Previous Article « Tomato on Beating Cyber Addiction | Next Article » The Boss Bites – Tomato Bites Back This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 31st, 2006 at 4:00 pm and is filed under Ageless. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.3 Tomatoes thrown at Article: “Anger Management”
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“Who is this who darkens
counsel By words without
knowledge? Now prepare
yourself like a man; I will
question you, and you shall
answer Me.
“Where were you when I
laid the foundations of the
earth? Tell Me, if you
have understanding. Who
determined its measurements?
Surely you know! Or who
stretched the line upon it?
To what were its foundations
fastened? Or who laid its
cornerstone, When the
morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God
shouted for joy? “Or who
shut in the sea with doors,
When it burst forth and
issued from the womb;
When I made the clouds
its garment, And thick
darkness its swaddling
band; When I fixed My
limit for it, And set bars
and doors; When I said,
‘This far you may come,
but no farther, And here
your proud waves must stop!’
“Have you commanded the
morning since your days began,
And caused the dawn to know
its place, That it might take hold
of the ends of the earth, And
the wicked be shaken out of it?
It takes on form like clay under
a seal, And stands out like a
garment. From the wicked
their light is withheld, And
the upraised arm is broken.
“Have you entered the springs
of the sea? Or have you walked
in search of the depths? Have
the gates of death been
revealed to you? Or have
you seen the doors of the
shadow of death? Have
you comprehended the
breadth of the earth?
Tell Me, if you know all this.
“Where is the way to the
dwelling of light? And
darkness, where is its
place, That you may
take it to its territory,
That you may know
the paths to its home?
Do you know it,
because you were
born then, Or because
the number of your days
is great? “Have you
entered the treasury
of snow, Or have you
seen the treasury of hail,
Which I have reserved
for the time of trouble,
For the day of battle
and war? By what way
is light diffused, Or
the east wind scattered
over the earth?
“Who has divided
a channel for the
overflowing water,
Or a path for the
thunderbolt, To
cause it to rain
on a land where
there is no one,
A wilderness in
which there is no
man; To satisfy
the desolate waste,
And cause to spring
forth the growth of
tender grass?
Has the rain a
father? Or who
has begotten the
drops of dew?
From whose
womb comes
the ice? And the
frost of heaven,
who gives it birth?
The waters harden
like stone, And the
surface of the deep
is frozen. “Can you
bind the cluster of the
Pleiades, Or loose the
belt of Orion? Can you
bring out Mazzaroth in
its season? Or can you
guide the Great Bear
with its cubs? Do you
know the ordinances of
the heavens? Can you
set their dominion over
the earth? “Can you lift
up your voice to the clouds,
That an abundance of water
may cover you? Can you
send out lightnings, that they
may go, And say to you,
‘Here we are!’? Who
has put wisdom in the mind?
Or who has given understanding
to the heart?
Who can number the clouds
by wisdom? Or who can pour
out the bottles of heaven,
When the dust hardens in
clumps, And the clods cling
together?
“Can you hunt the prey for
the lion, Or satisfy the appetite
of the young lions, When they
crouch in their dens, Or lurk
in their lairs to lie in wait?
Who provides food for
the raven, When its young
ones cry to God, And
wander about for lack
of food?
Best Wishes,
Dr. Howdy
P.S. You have a riveting web
log and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
Thanks Archtomato –
I accept your offer for links –
You are very kind…
Howdy
I was clicking ‘Next Blog’ then i started reading an entry in your blog..the one on the bus,
i smiled to myself then i read this entry and I had a good laugh reading it…but hope it’s
just a good made up story although i think it’s not. Usually don’t read anyone’s blog but
glad i read yours. Thanks for making me laugh 🙂