Tomato on Adoption 
Visualised by archtomato On Wednesday, December 21, 2005 at 0:00 Hrs | Minimum B.S.

Ok ok,

When I hear about people like Angelina Jolie adopting African orphans, it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. But I have to be honest – adopting a baby seems like a lot of work, especially when you layer on the “flying to another country” part. I want to be nice, but not THAT nice. I was looking for an easier way to show the world that I’m a good person, and thanks to President Bush, I think I’ve found it.

The President wants people to adopt the embryos that can’t be used for stem cell research. An embryo would be the perfect adopted child. I’d just keep it in the fridge, claim a tax deduction for my new dependent, and fend off the advances of Brad Pitt who would probably be aroused by my caring attitude.

If my embryo gets lonely, I’ll get a few dozen more to keep it company. I don’t have much food in my fridge, so there would be no problem with storage, at least until the next power outage.

Embryo babies are not as cute as regular ones, I grant you that. But when you consider the convenience and economics of the situation, it’s hard to argue against them. You’d never need to buy clothes for an embryo. It never talks back, and it couldn’t have premarital sex no matter how hard it tried, despite easy access to condiments.

I’m not sure if I’d need to feed it. It probably comes with a pamphlet that tells me that sort of thing. I hope I get one that isn’t a fussy eater. I want to sprinkle lettuce in the Petri dish every few weeks when I think of it and call it good.

The hard part is naming it. I’m thinking along the lines of Nobert the Embryo.


ps: Damn, HOW the hell did he become president?

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 at 12:00 am and is filed under Ageless. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 Tomato thrown at Article: “Tomato on Adoption”
  1. Anonymous says:

    I am de Native English speaker. The language is right the way i speak of it, U suck!

    Leave a Reply






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Archtomato . OxyMoron .
Laughing at Gilded Butterflies

Archtomato works in the IT security industry and has managed to convince his bosses for the past 10 years that his best work is yet to come.

Archtomato is a coffee nut, a photographer without focus, a traveler who can't read maps, a diver who floats all too easily and a champion of world peace.

He is an avid practitioner of the dark side of the force; admires Chuck Norris, Paris Hilton and collects vintage Batman comics. Just like the Horizon, Time Dilation, Flying pigs, Tax Reliefs and possibly, the "Opposition", he believes he is more of a concept than a corporeal being.

Archtomato believes that the true nature of man is decided in the battle between the conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious and that the evil of man's subconscious is often too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle.

He now lives in a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, smelly beavers, zits, herpes, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, conscription, yellow bananas, stupid people, nightmares, dog whisperers,Gamma Ray Bursts, Nuke Baddies and sings badly but regularly in the bathroom.

 Tomatoes were sacrificed in the making of this website, contents and for the continual existence of its owner.

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