| I’m lost in the noise of it all Visualised by archtomato On Friday, December 2, 2005 at 3:36 Hrs | Minimum B.S. “Emile works for the Singapore Armed Forces as an Technical Support Engineer. His cyber alias Meshuggah comes from his favourite rock band. He jams music for fun and eats cereals for breakfast. Ever a early adopter, he started blogging a few years back to express his thoughts on the world around him. He now lives in Western Singapore and shaves regularly.” “What is the meaning of life?” I’ve reached the point in my life where I can’t differentiate right from wrong, good or bad, God or the devil. It’s all a blur. Too many things to be done but I just don’t have the strength to sit down and think things through. It just requires too much effort. It was never a problem. My future, studies and working life, is uncertain and that scares me. But I guess it scares everyone… all the time. So then, is it normal to feel scared? I’m always scared and that pisses me off really bad. I’m dying to be abnormal. I hate myself sometimes I love myself. I’m feeling so worthless and confused. It feels that I’ve been doing heaps of stuff but I can’t really account for what I’ve done, so really I’m just wasting time. I shudder to think how much time I’ve wasted. It’s time to be more efficient. I want to start doing things that I can, once again, feel proud of. But something’s changing. I can’t tell what and I just can’t concur on the issue. What do I really want out of life? Fun! But it’s really hard to find the right balance of fun, work and studies, after which, you’re just left with pointless, fragmented mental footages of past occurrences. Again, there is nothing to account for what I’ve done. The endless cycle at work also seem to prove unrewarding. Things are being done, but it isn’t for me. And at the end of the day, I’m left with nothing. I miss a lot of my old friends that seem to have phased out from my life. All busy with life and all. It’s kind of heartbreaking actually. New friends will never replace old buddies. It will never be the same. But I have grown to accept it but will never understand why they choose to ignore my attempts. Maybe I’m missing something. To them, I wish them the best in life. I’m left with nothing, all lost in the noise of it all. The choices you make, dictates the life you lead. I aspire to be like Tony Montana in Scarface. He asked himself, “What do I want out of life.” And he made choices. After he and his friend, Manny, came to America from Cuba during the “Criminal Wave” and handling a few odd jobs in Florida, they started a business of selling cocaine. The two friends worked their way to the top and made a name for themselves. It’s simply amazing to consider that he actually arrived at another country with literally nothing! Now, what’s preventing me from making it big like him? Maybe I’m just tired but something needs to be done about my life… before the damage is done. Technorati tags: archtomato, emile sabastion, entermysilence, Guest Bloggers 2 Tomatoes thrown at Article: “I’m lost in the noise of it all”
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Saw this @ technorati. Sounds a tad too somber but lifes generally this way. You lose old people and sometimes gain a few new ones.
Its all just one big vicious cycle. On and on and on and on,
“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
–Kurt Vonnegut