10. Must be eager to work with a dynamic group of diverse suicidal maniacs
9. Must be a “self-starter;” also, a “self-detonator”
8. Must be a “people person”
7. Absolutely no prima donnas! Whether it’s fetching coffee or sawing off the head of a female schoolteacher, there are no “small tasks” at Al Qaeda, only “small workers”
6. Must have a good “phone voice”
5. Must be willing to relocate to Paradise on 24 hours notice
4. Qualified candidates should have 3-5 years experience with Excel, Java, Quicken, and rocket-propelled grenades
3. Special consideration will be given to any candidate who can fit a complete stinger missile system up his ass (we promise– no giggling!)
2. Must not have already registered with Kelly Temps
…and the Number One Requirement for Employment With Al Qaeda…
1. Not a requirement but a perk: Every Friday is Hawaiian-Shirt-and-Crazy-Tie Day!!!